Gun Control Now!

Since the horrendous massacre in Newtown, CT the press has been more open and aware about talking  gun control in America. What took so long? Why did it take so many massacres to bring this to light and even now, there is not enough being done. Slowly but surely I have noticed the topic is being swept under the carpet.

 Being British, I have never understood quiet frankly, the American gun culture and probably never will. It is not in my DNA. If American’s use guns to protect themselves, or use them for recreational purposes such as hunting or going to a gun range just for the sake of it, I just don’t get it.

War is a time when families have to worry about relatives being in foreign lands (including myself) with weapons that can kill, but at least we can, to an extent, make sense of it however,  why must we worry on our own doorsteps? Why should we have to worry for our children when we send them to school? Or walk down the block in a gang related shooting such as the latest one in Chicago which the First Lady attended the funeral.

Back in 1996, in Dunblane, 16 children were killed in a massacre in the UK, BUT UNLIKE the United States, something was done about it. John Major who was the Prime minister at the time immediately set up a public a  inquiry. Within one year there was a ban on all hand guns. That, was and is progress and currently there are very few gun shootings a year in the UK.

Back round checks have been suggested, as well as mental health checks. Honestly America, will that be enough to stop the massacres? It will definitely help, but more needs to be done. Something more dramatic.

Gun Control Now!

From 150lbs to 122lbs B4 & After :))

Looking for a challenge in NYC?!!

It is a beautiful sunny autumn day here in NYC,  this week I am back and have my ‘fighting gear on’! I am drinking a large Luke warm glass of lemon water which is part of my daily ‘ritual’. I try and have several a day. It is excellent for the skin and body (see my blog on lemons). As for water, it is the only liquid I drink and has probably been one of the most useful aids in helping me lose weight. I even added an app on my Iphone called ‘water’ to make sure I drink enough, it can be annoying but it definitely helps. I am so proud of myself for losing the 24lbs that I have. I worked hard to lose that and now I am looking for a challenge, I am not sure what exactly I am looking for.. a hike, a bike ride, but something. Does anyone have any ideas for a challenge here in NYC? I am open for ideas, perhaps you would like to join me? Perhaps you too are looking for a challenge? Throw your ideas at me :))

I feel like I am drowning…

I wrote a whole post, and for whatever reason it did not post. I yelled. So loudly. My throat hurts. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and I am slowly drowning. I am being tested and I don’t feel like I am passing. I have been through so much in my life, and I have always been the ‘cup is half full’ person. I am not sure what is happening to me.

If you have been following my journey, you will know that I have done well and have lost weight, I am now down 24lbs…..but today this is not about that.

At the moment for the first time, my divorce is bringing me down.  I even went into my divorce in a positive way beleive it or not, I beleived we could be the ‘modern family’ and be friends. Before the summer, I went to an ice cream parlour with my mother in law and explained that I had gotten a lawyer, however I wanted this divorce to be amicable. Even though my husband had been unfaithful to me since day one, I was not going to make that an issue. I didnt want my daughter to suffer. It was vital, that there was peace, so we agreed and as I discussed this with my husband that day too – we went on to have a summer going to the beach together. It was not easy on me but I did it…we went to the zoo and joined together for other activities such as the Jewish Holidays.

My husband who has very bad ADD or ADHD (he has never been diagnosed as an adult as he refuses to and lives in total denial, but he admits he has one or the other). He does not talk about it at all and this has also been a big part of the downfall to our marriage, not because he has ADD but because he refuses to get the help that he needs, and I feel so sad for him. He has his mother and father do everything for him, literally, including getting a lawyer which took the entire summer and cost me $2000 in lawyer fees (so far) just to chase him… and remind him over and over with his procrastination issues… he cannot hold a job, therefore he cannot provide for his daughter. He has his siblings write up his resume, and look for work for him, while he sits at home all day playing xbox.

While I seriously look for work and have done everything to be amicable with my husband and his family – and we were all summer, all of a sudden last week they turned on me and distanced themselves after hiring a lawyer. They took my baby’s passport away for fear that I would flee the country which anyone who knows me is ridiculous!! I am the most moral person there is and would never do such a thing, and I never gave them reason to think that.

I am still living with my husband, looking for work on a daily basis, I have even written blogs about that… I cannot afford to move out, I applied to common ground but they denied. I have tried so many organisations, but they cannot help, they just want to listen. I don’t get it.

Why can’t anyone help?? Why?? Why am I being punished for my husbands unfaithful behavior? When I wanted to do this amicably, why did they turn on me?

I just want to work hard and provide for my baby girl, why is that so much to ask. I am well educated with an excellent resume. Why can’t people help with living…

Exercise is the answer to EVERYTHING!!!

I have missed being on WordPress for the past couple of months, catching up on recipes, whats going on in the fashion world, personal opinions as far as politics goes…and all the other personal blogs I read – be ready I am back!

As for my journey, I am still on it and I hope you all are too, whatever that may be. When I took a ‘time-out’ from writing I began a different journey. I had lost weight, but I was at a standstill, one morning I received an e-mail from Livingsocial.com advertising a boot camp. The only exercise I was doing at the time was walking and for me personally it was not enough, I needed some cardio, infact I needed a lot of cardio! I was also having seizures at the time, everything was a mess.

My life if you have been following me at all is slightly complicated, nothing crazy, but I spent way too much time crying (complaining) about it and I needed to just get up and do do do!! So I signed up with this boot camp and as you may guess it is the best thing I could have done, physically, mentally, emotionally – you name it. The energy that comes from one hour of full on cardio and toning with crazy trainers is just awesome, and then you just want more and more… it is like a drug. Then you of course want to continue eating healthy – because why waste that brilliant work out on a burger etc. Not that I have ever really liked burgers for some reason… sorry I am not American :)) My health is back on track, seizures are less and only come on due to stress, and being that I am going through a divorce… not easy. Even that I am seeing through a different light.

A few months ago I was just complaining and waiting to see what would happen… there were organizations that were going to help fund me with pro-bono lawyers – YEAH RIGHT!! On a serious note, I was speaking to a pro-bono lawyer over a time period of 8 months saying she would help me out of my situation…she made me wait and wait and wait at the very end of all this she then said ‘sorry I cannot take your case on’. Why couldn’t she just tell me this from day one? Anyway, I have learned that nothing in this world is free and only amazing friends will be there for you during difficult times and with a loan, I hired a lawyer and am filing for divorce. My husband and I are doing things as amicably as possible, for the sake of my daughter. Although there is a huge part of me that still wonders and I questions him as to why he never fought for me before filing, as I did warn him, which makes me sad, and I know and  he doesn’t want to get divorced – he just isn’t the type of person to fight,, or get the help he needs – he is a big momma’s boy and literally needs her to do everything for him. But sadly there is no trust after he cheated…. I need a new start and a healthier situation for my daughter.

Weight wise, I have lost 18lbs since day one and what is weird when I look in the mirror I don’t see a really thin me, but I feel healthy and that is the best feeling ever! I currently weigh 132lbs and I still have a way to go….remember I am not tall 🙂

Out Of The Zone

After having a seizure a week and half ago I was completely ‘out of it’. For those who are not familiar, having a seizure for me personally is not the difficult part because to be honest, I am unconscious and well, you could hit me over the head with a baseball bat and I wouldn’t know the difference! (However if you ever do witness someone having a seizure just turn them to their side and make sure they are in a safe place and don’t ever put anything in their mouth!)

The troublesome part is the recovery. I have found that over the years it gets longer to recover from a seizure. It used to be, that after a seizure I slept for a couple of hours and that was it, I was ready to get on with my day. After a few years it started to take a day or two after a seizure to recover. Now it is taking up to four or five days.

The exact time of the seizure happened in the middle of the night (Friday night) which is actually a first for me since I was diagnosed with Epilepsy in my teens. It was confirmed by my husband. I had my usual symptoms of nausea and extreme tiredness that day. The following week, literally Monday to Friday, I was very ‘lazy’ – I didn’t feel like going out much, I was very lethargic, didn’t feel like cooking, almost a depression, but not having depression, I can’t say it is. I know this will only last a few days and I will snap out of it at the right time.

On Friday, we were invited to friends for a weekend away, I went and got a manicure and pedicure, and spent a lovely weekend away… I was back to myself over the weekend, as I mentioned, I knew I would ‘snap out of it’. However, that feeling of losing yourself during that week is so scary and awful. I am not someone who believes in taking medication just for the sake of it.

So I can only hope and pray that I don’t get them and a cure or at least my medications I do take for them keeps the seizures at bay.

Living With Epilepsy / Seizures

I woke up at about 5am Saturday morning and did not feel myself, I felt rather nauseous. This feeling was familiar but not too recently, not since last December. It was the feeling after a Seizure. Not again, I thought. I can’t deal with this now, not that there is ever a good time, why can’t this just ever go away! It gets me so frustrated sometimes but there is nothing one can do about it. I just have to deal with it. I got Epilepsy when I was an early teenager when in London at just 13 years old. In the very early stages, I was not getting seizures at first, just little ‘shakes’. My parents and brothers thought I was doing it for attention! It was awful… the doctors too.

Weeks after I finally had a ‘Grand Mal’ Seizure, I was almost relieved that I proved them wrong. One Saturday morning, my brother called the ambulance and explained to the paramedics what they had seen. My entire body had been convulsing, shaking, they were terrified. I was unconscious. The doctors said to always leave someone with Epilepsy to have their seizure…always make sure they are safe, turn them on their side but NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN THEIR MOUTH. I recovered quickly and was put on anti seizure medication. The side effect was weight gain, but it kept the seizures at bay.

Unfortunately, here and there I still get some seizures and over the years the medications have changed. The types of seizures have also changed with age and amazingly I was able to still have a baby! She is my miracle baby! She is completely healthy thank Gd!

What was unusual for the seizure I had last Friday night was that it was in the middle of the night and I was not sure I had one, but my husband had confirmed that I did. I still feel a little exhausted from it, and it is Wednesday today. It is very hard for other people to understand what I go through, I don’t really try and explain to anyone else. This is the first time I have actually written about it.

I don’t find many people around me are understanding about it, especially my husband. He does what he needs to do to be helpful. The fact that we are getting divorced does not help…he tells me it is stressful for him and I am sure it is. I guess the fact that he keeps telling me how stressful it is doesn’t make me feel any better!

Do you know anyone who has a seizure disorder?

My Day Of Sin – Magnolia Bakery

After a very strict (I would say) regimen I went to Manhattan last Friday for a Doctor’s appointment and walked around the city. I decided to to treat myself to a chocolate vanilla cupcake from the one and only Magnolia’s Bakery and it was heavenly! Don’t worry I did not eat the second one, I got it for my husband. I love that I have so much self control and I am able to get so easily back into my healthily way of eating without feeling guilty that I had a delicious cupcake. While I did walk a little more the next day and when I weighed myself on Monday, I was down to 141lbs down another 2lbs. It is all about counting the calories, not obsessively but knowing approximately how many you should eat a day for your healthy weight as well as allowing yourself to have a treat here and there. Lots of fruit and vegetables is a MUST as well as water water water!!! I cannot say this enough.

5 Things To Do By The Time Your In Your 30’S

As I drink my morning coffee, I put on the Today Show, and they have 5 things you should be able to do by the time your in your 30’s

• The ability to fall in love without losing yourself
• The confidence to quit your job
• The comfort of living alone
• The knowledge your body is beautiful
• The belief you deserve it!

As for the ability to fall in love I learned the very hard way. For those who have been following my journey since day one you will know my hardships. I fell in love with my husband and totally lost myself, I was blind to who he was, and unfortunately only when I was 5 months pregnant did I find out he was being unfaithful. But that is not what I want to focus on. It is moving on with my life, the lessons learned and as one must never do, lose ones self in love as the results can be devastating!

The confidence to quit a job –  if one is unhappy in a job you should be able to to leave in a mature manner rather then storm out, one never wants to burn bridges as you never know when they may be useful to  you.

The comfort of living alone – this is best to learn all about yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses. What you enjoy doing in your down time…do not think about this as a negative, it is not!

The knowledge your body is beautiful – while I am on a journey to be healthy and lose weight, there was one thing my mother always says to me and that is I am always beautiful. I just have to believe it. This is a constant fight I have with myself, there are parts of myself I like / love and other I hate. I hate my tree trunk legs, and do my best to hide them. Then I have a tiny little waste, so how can I complain? Why can’t we just be happy little campers and appreciate what we have!!! We have such nerve to complain about our bodies when others have far worse to complain about!

The belief you deserve it – This is the hardest for me as I have not left my husband just yet. I am still in the stages of trying to figure out HOW to do it. It is really not that easy with a child. If it was just me, I would of been out a year ago! If you knew me personally you would know I am an adventurer, I came to the States when I was just 18 with no money, and travelled around, those are for other posts 🙂 I know I deserve it, I know my daughter deserves better and I am in the midst of preparing a much better life for the both of us, it is just a matter of time. When I figure it out…I’ll post it!

Positivity and faith is what keeps me going,  and watching The Today show really made me think this morning :))

Dissapointed In Myself…

Looking at the date today, April 23rd, I am realising that it is just three months away to my cousins wedding, my goal, and I am not losing the weight as quickly as I wanted to. While on a positive note, I have not put on any weight and I have lost a simple pound in the past week and a half. I am now 144lbs from 145lbs.

While I have been excellent at eating healthy, (lots of raw veggies, fruits, salads, grilled chicken, and salmon). What has been lacking in my life is a great exercise routine! The first common problem that so many people have before trying to lose weight (or any issue / obstacle they want to get over) is getting over the excuses we all come up with. In my case they are as follows: I cannot afford it, I am unemployed, I hate working out alone, all my friends are at work etc etc etc. The last time I had a successful exercise routine was when I went to the gym and had a great trainer, sadly that is not happening because I don’t have the finances at the moment. If you are rich and want to donate feel free, JUST KIDDING!

The first motivation killer is a lack of confidence, I’ll be the first to admit that. One needs to focus on what you have already accomplished and in my case, it is the weight I have already lost. If you focus on the negative, then your mind starts to come up with explanations and excuses. The way to get out of this mess is to think positive and start making realistic lists. Once again, in my case just walking around the neighborhood is just moving and therefore exercise. When you truly believe you deserve success your mind will find a way to achieve it.

What are your goals? Have you accomplished them? Share your story…