myjourney2healthy











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{October 19, 2012}   I feel like I am drowning…

I wrote a whole post, and for whatever reason it did not post. I yelled. So loudly. My throat hurts. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and I am slowly drowning. I am being tested and I don’t feel like I am passing. I have been through so much in my life, and I have always been the ‘cup is half full’ person. I am not sure what is happening to me.

If you have been following my journey, you will know that I have done well and have lost weight, I am now down 24lbs…..but today this is not about that.

At the moment for the first time, my divorce is bringing me down.  I even went into my divorce in a positive way beleive it or not, I beleived we could be the ‘modern family’ and be friends. Before the summer, I went to an ice cream parlour with my mother in law and explained that I had gotten a lawyer, however I wanted this divorce to be amicable. Even though my husband had been unfaithful to me since day one, I was not going to make that an issue. I didnt want my daughter to suffer. It was vital, that there was peace, so we agreed and as I discussed this with my husband that day too – we went on to have a summer going to the beach together. It was not easy on me but I did it…we went to the zoo and joined together for other activities such as the Jewish Holidays.

My husband who has very bad ADD or ADHD (he has never been diagnosed as an adult as he refuses to and lives in total denial, but he admits he has one or the other). He does not talk about it at all and this has also been a big part of the downfall to our marriage, not because he has ADD but because he refuses to get the help that he needs, and I feel so sad for him. He has his mother and father do everything for him, literally, including getting a lawyer which took the entire summer and cost me $2000 in lawyer fees (so far) just to chase him… and remind him over and over with his procrastination issues… he cannot hold a job, therefore he cannot provide for his daughter. He has his siblings write up his resume, and look for work for him, while he sits at home all day playing xbox.

While I seriously look for work and have done everything to be amicable with my husband and his family – and we were all summer, all of a sudden last week they turned on me and distanced themselves after hiring a lawyer. They took my baby’s passport away for fear that I would flee the country which anyone who knows me is ridiculous!! I am the most moral person there is and would never do such a thing, and I never gave them reason to think that.

I am still living with my husband, looking for work on a daily basis, I have even written blogs about that… I cannot afford to move out, I applied to common ground but they denied. I have tried so many organisations, but they cannot help, they just want to listen. I don’t get it.

Why can’t anyone help?? Why?? Why am I being punished for my husbands unfaithful behavior? When I wanted to do this amicably, why did they turn on me?

I just want to work hard and provide for my baby girl, why is that so much to ask. I am well educated with an excellent resume. Why can’t people help with living…



After a very strict (I would say) regimen I went to Manhattan last Friday for a Doctor’s appointment and walked around the city. I decided to to treat myself to a chocolate vanilla cupcake from the one and only Magnolia’s Bakery and it was heavenly! Don’t worry I did not eat the second one, I got it for my husband. I love that I have so much self control and I am able to get so easily back into my healthily way of eating without feeling guilty that I had a delicious cupcake. While I did walk a little more the next day and when I weighed myself on Monday, I was down to 141lbs down another 2lbs. It is all about counting the calories, not obsessively but knowing approximately how many you should eat a day for your healthy weight as well as allowing yourself to have a treat here and there. Lots of fruit and vegetables is a MUST as well as water water water!!! I cannot say this enough.

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{April 15, 2012}   Fashion Fwd!!!

After dropping a few lbs I never realised it would impact my wardrobe so quickly, not a negative but definitely a pricey situation! Going into spring / summer and leaving my current marital situation behind me soon enough, there are a lot of new starts. So I decided to really embrace the new with color and positivity. While I still have a good 20 – 30lbs to lose and keeping with eating very healthy as a daily routine, I started to add some new clothing to my closet so I would never allow myself to get back to the larger size clothing. It was positive reinforcement for myself  as well as a boost. I have gone to a size 4 from a size 12…

Weekend shopping consisted of some basics for any closets:

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This is from Zara, it is such a light and easy dress to wear and being that I am petite it goes down to my knees so unlike the model who is 8 feet in the above picture, it actually covers up all that I want hidden!

This above sweater is from Express. I don’t normally purchase things from there, but I really thought this was cute with a pair of black jeans I have.

Once Again Zara to the rescue. They are genius and so easy to wear!

Yea right, that’s me ha ha. For any male reader who got to the second line of this post you missed out!! What are any of these outfits with out the perfect Victoria Secrets Dream Angel Bra! I have to say, a little pricey, but definitely worth it…I have sworn by VS for years.

At the end of the day, being unemployed, I really should not be buying clothing, I cannot afford it but I have rewarded myself with color and the feeling that I must go on and perhaps I need to start with something completely fresh in my life, something bright for the future as well as positive and healthy!!



{April 12, 2012}   Should I be upset??

Good morning All,

I am feeling a whole lot better this morning and it does not feel like a chore to turn on the computer as it did the past couple of days.

After studying at the Gemological Institute Of America, and working in the diamond industry for ten years, a friend approached me and told me he was getting engaged to his girlfriend, a common practice among my friends (not to mention word of mouth) who have good faith in me even now I no longer work in the industry as I still have all my contacts. He called me over the past month for lengthy conversations to ask me all sorts of questions, to get advice which of course I was thrilled to give and help with the good faith that he would be coming to purchase a diamond. I did have in the back of my mind that it was always a possibility he could always go elsewhere,  what was different was the amount of information he was taking from me and then going elsewhere and being such a close friend was now just being a bit rude. Or was it? He has every right to go anywhere he wants… so I let it go and told myself not to take it so seriously.

A few weeks past, I received a call. My friend had purchased a diamond from some ‘people he knew’ and he wanted me to give him my opinion. I breathed. I had already given him basic warnings which he had thought were silly such as make sure the  – lighting is correct if you purchase your diamond somewhere else (no spotlights as this alters what the real diamond looks like, and believe me every jewelry store you walk into has them!) – try and see the diamond out of the setting and look with a 10x magnified loop and the list goes on. I gave him a quick education about the four c’s color, cut clarity and carat. He sent me a scanned copy of his GIA certificate of the diamond he had gotten, (which is a detailed legitimate certificate of the diamond). He told me the price he had been charged, and he wanted to know what is the price I would of charged him. Ouch. Why would someone put me in a corner like that?

I called my ‘contact’ in the famed NYC diamond district who checked the weekly Rappaport diamond prices, which is an industry standard for pricing diamonds, it is published weekly and only available to those in the industry. I then called my friend and told him directly what his diamond was worth and what he might have been charged by the ‘people he knew’. He had been screwed over. He had paid $5000 for his diamond and it was worth only $3600. I would rather have not had told him so as not to make him feel bad, but he insisted in knowing, then came all the apologies, I kept silent, what was I to say? I told you so?

As frustrated as I was, I still feel so terrible about what happened in the end to him, it is not like I was going to make a fortune out of my friend, my commission would of been $300. He knew that, I was upfront about it. I never wanted him to get hurt by anyone and he did. However, everything does happen for a reason. Diamond retailers are the worst and known for their highway robbery, but like a lot of mechanics ‘wholesale diamond sellers’ can really rob you if you are not educated about the diamonds, read up on line about the basics, you can go to GIA.ORG for some tips about diamonds and if you know what you are talking about, it will make all the difference, I promise!



Good morning Everyone!

If you are unemployed like myself and a ‘regular interviewer’ you will be familiar with the questions such as “tell me about yourself?” or “how do you deal with stress?”. These are common and basic questions which we all have prepared, I try to update my answer with every interview as a ‘lessoned learned” and of course personalise each question with an example. With the first twenty seconds of the interview being so crucial, you would think I had it figured out!

However, I am obviously still missing something. I know I am doing something right as the companies that I am aiming for are calling me in. One of the largest diamond companies called me in several months ago for a first interview, one that we all see walk down the Oscar / Emmy red carpet – I’ll keep away from names! I sailed through the first interview, they even made me write an essay about ‘why I wanted to join the company!” They didn’t know I love to write, so bingo for me! I had to then take some computer exams, and after passing all, they called me in a week later for interview number two. What a disaster. The first interview, was a complete success, I had met about three people  I would have been working with directly, they were crucial. The second interview flopped because the person interviewing me was such a stern person, I completely froze!! Why? Why? Why?? I couldn’t even answer the most basic questions that I knew. It was not fair. If this women asked me how old I was, I probably would not have known the answer. I never heard back again from them!

Recently I had another interview with an even better opportunity which made me realise getting over the above situation was totally fine as there is something for me out there. Just someone has to believe in me, at some point. This time it was a massive media company, how exciting! They had everything I wanted, fashion, celebrities, and the best writing! Everything I could dream about, I just needed to ace the interview, my hurdle. I had the nicest sweetest lady who interviewed me. She asked the  questions, I answered as much as I prepared but for some reason again I was all nerves, perhaps because I wanted this position so badly, because I needed this position so badly.  While I did not freeze at this interview, she did notice how nervous I was and offered me water and told me not to be nervous. Not a good thing! I did apologise. Confidence sells, not nerves! I couldn’t believe I was messing this up. She said she would be in touch with me, and while I have never heard back from her, not even an apology “someone else better fits this position” letter, I am still hoping I will hear from her as it was only a couple of weeks ago. I of course followed up with a thank you letter. Maybe a miracle can happen.

Yesterday, I had yet my final straw, although this was slightly different. It was an interview with a massive fashion house. It actually went well, but I didn’t really want it, surprisingly, while I would love to work at a massive fashion house, I just did not like the attitude at this particular one! So different to all my other interviews, I was a little more confident!! Of course they said they would get back to me…

I am still searching for the right position, I avoid the scamming recruitment agencies who will just waste your time (that is another post and a book / movie! They make me so angry!!) I have every confidence that someone will have faith in me.



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