Gun Control Now!

Since the horrendous massacre in Newtown, CT the press has been more open and aware about talking  gun control in America. What took so long? Why did it take so many massacres to bring this to light and even now, there is not enough being done. Slowly but surely I have noticed the topic is being swept under the carpet.

 Being British, I have never understood quiet frankly, the American gun culture and probably never will. It is not in my DNA. If American’s use guns to protect themselves, or use them for recreational purposes such as hunting or going to a gun range just for the sake of it, I just don’t get it.

War is a time when families have to worry about relatives being in foreign lands (including myself) with weapons that can kill, but at least we can, to an extent, make sense of it however,  why must we worry on our own doorsteps? Why should we have to worry for our children when we send them to school? Or walk down the block in a gang related shooting such as the latest one in Chicago which the First Lady attended the funeral.

Back in 1996, in Dunblane, 16 children were killed in a massacre in the UK, BUT UNLIKE the United States, something was done about it. John Major who was the Prime minister at the time immediately set up a public a  inquiry. Within one year there was a ban on all hand guns. That, was and is progress and currently there are very few gun shootings a year in the UK.

Back round checks have been suggested, as well as mental health checks. Honestly America, will that be enough to stop the massacres? It will definitely help, but more needs to be done. Something more dramatic.

Gun Control Now!

From 150lbs to 122lbs B4 & After :))

Twitterverse!!

Hi everyone, I hope you are all having a fantastic day!

No doubt, most of you tuned into the debate last night and have your opinions, I am in no way going to get political, for some reason I never win a political debate even though I know who I stand by! hint: he is African-American and has been around for four years doing a great job! It doesn’t really make a difference anyway since I cannot vote, being British!

So as the two debaters were going on at each other, I decided to check out the Twitterverse and boy was that place busy! From celebs to ‘nobodies’ having their say about each and every line that came out of Obama and Mitt’s mouth, but one quote got me laughing, and that was the one on if there was an attack on Israel… someone wrote ‘an attack on Israel would be like an attack on Zabars’. So I decided to check out who this person was… why? I loved his humour!

Not to be a stalker, I found him on LinkedIn, and sent him a request to add him. Surprisingly he accepted rather quickly! This morning, I sent him a note, after realising he is a big executive for a Media company we all know, but I will keep him anonymous out of respect. I told him that I found his comment last night rather humourous and went on to tell him about myself! I told him I had been working as a PA for the past ten years and am looking to get into something different… he wrote back immediately and said he would love to meet to see what he could do!

I am so excited to hear back for an exact date from his pa…but wish me luck, you never know who you can meet on Twitter!!! As someone once told me, always think out of the box! :))

I feel like I am drowning…

I wrote a whole post, and for whatever reason it did not post. I yelled. So loudly. My throat hurts. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and I am slowly drowning. I am being tested and I don’t feel like I am passing. I have been through so much in my life, and I have always been the ‘cup is half full’ person. I am not sure what is happening to me.

If you have been following my journey, you will know that I have done well and have lost weight, I am now down 24lbs…..but today this is not about that.

At the moment for the first time, my divorce is bringing me down.  I even went into my divorce in a positive way beleive it or not, I beleived we could be the ‘modern family’ and be friends. Before the summer, I went to an ice cream parlour with my mother in law and explained that I had gotten a lawyer, however I wanted this divorce to be amicable. Even though my husband had been unfaithful to me since day one, I was not going to make that an issue. I didnt want my daughter to suffer. It was vital, that there was peace, so we agreed and as I discussed this with my husband that day too – we went on to have a summer going to the beach together. It was not easy on me but I did it…we went to the zoo and joined together for other activities such as the Jewish Holidays.

My husband who has very bad ADD or ADHD (he has never been diagnosed as an adult as he refuses to and lives in total denial, but he admits he has one or the other). He does not talk about it at all and this has also been a big part of the downfall to our marriage, not because he has ADD but because he refuses to get the help that he needs, and I feel so sad for him. He has his mother and father do everything for him, literally, including getting a lawyer which took the entire summer and cost me $2000 in lawyer fees (so far) just to chase him… and remind him over and over with his procrastination issues… he cannot hold a job, therefore he cannot provide for his daughter. He has his siblings write up his resume, and look for work for him, while he sits at home all day playing xbox.

While I seriously look for work and have done everything to be amicable with my husband and his family – and we were all summer, all of a sudden last week they turned on me and distanced themselves after hiring a lawyer. They took my baby’s passport away for fear that I would flee the country which anyone who knows me is ridiculous!! I am the most moral person there is and would never do such a thing, and I never gave them reason to think that.

I am still living with my husband, looking for work on a daily basis, I have even written blogs about that… I cannot afford to move out, I applied to common ground but they denied. I have tried so many organisations, but they cannot help, they just want to listen. I don’t get it.

Why can’t anyone help?? Why?? Why am I being punished for my husbands unfaithful behavior? When I wanted to do this amicably, why did they turn on me?

I just want to work hard and provide for my baby girl, why is that so much to ask. I am well educated with an excellent resume. Why can’t people help with living…

Living With Epilepsy / Seizures

I woke up at about 5am Saturday morning and did not feel myself, I felt rather nauseous. This feeling was familiar but not too recently, not since last December. It was the feeling after a Seizure. Not again, I thought. I can’t deal with this now, not that there is ever a good time, why can’t this just ever go away! It gets me so frustrated sometimes but there is nothing one can do about it. I just have to deal with it. I got Epilepsy when I was an early teenager when in London at just 13 years old. In the very early stages, I was not getting seizures at first, just little ‘shakes’. My parents and brothers thought I was doing it for attention! It was awful… the doctors too.

Weeks after I finally had a ‘Grand Mal’ Seizure, I was almost relieved that I proved them wrong. One Saturday morning, my brother called the ambulance and explained to the paramedics what they had seen. My entire body had been convulsing, shaking, they were terrified. I was unconscious. The doctors said to always leave someone with Epilepsy to have their seizure…always make sure they are safe, turn them on their side but NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN THEIR MOUTH. I recovered quickly and was put on anti seizure medication. The side effect was weight gain, but it kept the seizures at bay.

Unfortunately, here and there I still get some seizures and over the years the medications have changed. The types of seizures have also changed with age and amazingly I was able to still have a baby! She is my miracle baby! She is completely healthy thank Gd!

What was unusual for the seizure I had last Friday night was that it was in the middle of the night and I was not sure I had one, but my husband had confirmed that I did. I still feel a little exhausted from it, and it is Wednesday today. It is very hard for other people to understand what I go through, I don’t really try and explain to anyone else. This is the first time I have actually written about it.

I don’t find many people around me are understanding about it, especially my husband. He does what he needs to do to be helpful. The fact that we are getting divorced does not help…he tells me it is stressful for him and I am sure it is. I guess the fact that he keeps telling me how stressful it is doesn’t make me feel any better!

Do you know anyone who has a seizure disorder?

My Day Of Sin – Magnolia Bakery

After a very strict (I would say) regimen I went to Manhattan last Friday for a Doctor’s appointment and walked around the city. I decided to to treat myself to a chocolate vanilla cupcake from the one and only Magnolia’s Bakery and it was heavenly! Don’t worry I did not eat the second one, I got it for my husband. I love that I have so much self control and I am able to get so easily back into my healthily way of eating without feeling guilty that I had a delicious cupcake. While I did walk a little more the next day and when I weighed myself on Monday, I was down to 141lbs down another 2lbs. It is all about counting the calories, not obsessively but knowing approximately how many you should eat a day for your healthy weight as well as allowing yourself to have a treat here and there. Lots of fruit and vegetables is a MUST as well as water water water!!! I cannot say this enough.

5 Things To Do By The Time Your In Your 30’S

As I drink my morning coffee, I put on the Today Show, and they have 5 things you should be able to do by the time your in your 30’s

• The ability to fall in love without losing yourself
• The confidence to quit your job
• The comfort of living alone
• The knowledge your body is beautiful
• The belief you deserve it!

As for the ability to fall in love I learned the very hard way. For those who have been following my journey since day one you will know my hardships. I fell in love with my husband and totally lost myself, I was blind to who he was, and unfortunately only when I was 5 months pregnant did I find out he was being unfaithful. But that is not what I want to focus on. It is moving on with my life, the lessons learned and as one must never do, lose ones self in love as the results can be devastating!

The confidence to quit a job –  if one is unhappy in a job you should be able to to leave in a mature manner rather then storm out, one never wants to burn bridges as you never know when they may be useful to  you.

The comfort of living alone – this is best to learn all about yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses. What you enjoy doing in your down time…do not think about this as a negative, it is not!

The knowledge your body is beautiful – while I am on a journey to be healthy and lose weight, there was one thing my mother always says to me and that is I am always beautiful. I just have to believe it. This is a constant fight I have with myself, there are parts of myself I like / love and other I hate. I hate my tree trunk legs, and do my best to hide them. Then I have a tiny little waste, so how can I complain? Why can’t we just be happy little campers and appreciate what we have!!! We have such nerve to complain about our bodies when others have far worse to complain about!

The belief you deserve it – This is the hardest for me as I have not left my husband just yet. I am still in the stages of trying to figure out HOW to do it. It is really not that easy with a child. If it was just me, I would of been out a year ago! If you knew me personally you would know I am an adventurer, I came to the States when I was just 18 with no money, and travelled around, those are for other posts 🙂 I know I deserve it, I know my daughter deserves better and I am in the midst of preparing a much better life for the both of us, it is just a matter of time. When I figure it out…I’ll post it!

Positivity and faith is what keeps me going,  and watching The Today show really made me think this morning :))

Enjoying The Tulips

I have not shown any personal pictures yet, so here is a treat for you 🙂 this is my princess enjoying a beautiful day with the flowers. Have a beautiful day everyone!

Gone Too Soon!!

I woke up Sunday to a beautiful blue sky, sun was shining. It was perfect. I had my usual decaf coffee as I wrote my previous blog post ‘fashion fwd!!’ I got my little baby dressed and we headed to visit a very close friend whom considered us ‘family ‘ as we did with him. He had been in the hospital for two weeks as he had Kidney failure however he was on the mend. I thought there was no doubt my little 19 month baby would cheer him up and she did.

When we got to the hospital, immediately I noticed how weak my friend looked, he could not speak without breathing difficulties. They said earlier he had been hyperventilating but it was now under control. After a couple of hours we decided to let him rest, it was for the best. His parents and siblings were there.

Meanwhile, my friends sibling and I went for a nice drive while my little girl had a good little rest in the car and we then had dinner. We then got a call saying that my friend was to be released from the hospital that night! Was that a joke? He could barely move, he was hyperventilating all day, and they were going to let him out? What kind of hospital is this? I’ll tell you which one – Columbia, NYC.

My friend got home, and I quickly said goodbye as I had to get to my home and return the car we had borrowed for the day. I was so happy we had spent the time we did with him, but what happened next was a nightmare I never in a thousand years thought would happened.

As soon as I got home my friend called me and said those words you never want to hear ‘ are you sitting?’ You know something terrible will always follow, I asked ‘what happened?’ ‘My brother got home, and he started to hyperventilate again, but this time it was just too bad and something must have happened, and they (ambulance) can’t resuscitate him. He passed away’. I didn’t beleive him at first, we just spent our day there. I spent 8 years of my life living in his home. He can’t just go. My friend, who just lost his brother wanted to make sure I was alright as I have epilepsy and didn’t want to trigure a seizure ( which can be enduced with stress but I was alright thank Gd).

I quickly went to hug my baby even though it was 10pm, ‘I love you so much my little baby’. I haven’t stopped hugging her today.

When I spoke to my friend when he was in the hospital he told me he had gotten me a gift for my birthday, my birthday is not until September, he was such a good hearted person always thinking of others. He would spontaneously give gifts even if it was not someone’s birthday because that is just who he was, generous and a great person.

We should all aim to be as kind hearted to our friends, neighbours and family. We should live everyday to its fullest, because of obvious reasons.

RIP my dearest friend!!

Fashion Fwd!!!

After dropping a few lbs I never realised it would impact my wardrobe so quickly, not a negative but definitely a pricey situation! Going into spring / summer and leaving my current marital situation behind me soon enough, there are a lot of new starts. So I decided to really embrace the new with color and positivity. While I still have a good 20 – 30lbs to lose and keeping with eating very healthy as a daily routine, I started to add some new clothing to my closet so I would never allow myself to get back to the larger size clothing. It was positive reinforcement for myself  as well as a boost. I have gone to a size 4 from a size 12…

Weekend shopping consisted of some basics for any closets:

This is from Zara, it is such a light and easy dress to wear and being that I am petite it goes down to my knees so unlike the model who is 8 feet in the above picture, it actually covers up all that I want hidden!

This above sweater is from Express. I don’t normally purchase things from there, but I really thought this was cute with a pair of black jeans I have.

Once Again Zara to the rescue. They are genius and so easy to wear!

Yea right, that’s me ha ha. For any male reader who got to the second line of this post you missed out!! What are any of these outfits with out the perfect Victoria Secrets Dream Angel Bra! I have to say, a little pricey, but definitely worth it…I have sworn by VS for years.

At the end of the day, being unemployed, I really should not be buying clothing, I cannot afford it but I have rewarded myself with color and the feeling that I must go on and perhaps I need to start with something completely fresh in my life, something bright for the future as well as positive and healthy!!